The Suicide Squad We Deserved

I’m not here just to rip the movie. Plenty of people have done that. No, I’m here to explain what Suicide Squad should have done so we got the movie we deserved!… while ripping it a little too…

I. No Flashbacks


This is easy. No flashbacks. None. Moving on.

II. Deadshot is the Focus


He kinda is the main character, but one could argue that Flag, or Waller, or Harley is also… There should be no confusion. When the Fresh Prince is in your movie, he takes a backseat to no one.

III. Waller is a Rogue 


Here’s a thought, maybe the government board doesn’t sign off on Waller’s Project X party no matter what Enchantress drops on their desk. After all, using “the worst of the worst” to fight even more worse is a comic book-y idea to say the least. But Waller shouldn’t need government approval in the first place. She doesn’t give AF and goes ahead with her initiative despite the rejection.

IV. No Joker


Come on. He doesn’t even go here. It’s far too soon to follow Ledger’s role in the first place, and now we’re going to try to squeeze Leto’s into this? Nope. Not even knocking his performance (it was forgettable by the way), but it doesn’t belong in the movie. No Joker. No Joker romance. No Harley longing for the Joker. Nothing. Speaking of which…

V. Less Harley


Harley Quinn is suppose to come out of the movie as the fan favorite. The trailers hint at this. The filmmakers intended for it to be the case. But they (the filmmakers, not Robbie) may have tried too hard. They should’ve scaled her back and followed the “less is more” principle when it comes to her dialogue. The immortal Kanye West said, “When you try hard, that’s when you die hard.” Try less Suicide Squad. Maybe all traces of the Joker not being in the film would help. Allow HQ to stand on her own.

VI. Katana Is Already in Jail


Katana’s in jail with the rest of the gang from the beginning. It could be for whatever reason. The fact that she wouldn’t be just adds to an already muddled plot. Same with Captain Boomerang.

VII. Croc Never Talks


Just for kicks and giggles, Killer Croc never talks. He’s a walking tank. Every line of a dialogue takes away from his character. He should be a silent Thing and maybe have one key line towards the end.

VIII. There’s a Training Montage


Classics like Rocky and Mulan prove that training montages can be a wonderful thing. We need to see these characters spend some time together before being thrust into their first mission anyway. A training montage solves this and can help established some needed on-screen chemistry and hint at backstories without the use of 500 flashbacks.

IX. No Waller Rescue


Was that actually a twist? I’m still confused. Were we suppose to A. be surprised when Waller happened to be the rescuee or B. care? Get that out of there. Maybe have one of the squadders get captured and need rescuing half way through the film. Let Waller be an eye in the sky the whole time, maybe facing pressure from the government officials who never green-lighted her project in the first place.

X. No This Guy


I can’t tell if his role is intended comedy or a salute to Star Trek red-shirt wearers everywhere. Regardless, just take him out. His character never wanted to be in the film in the first place.

XI. They’re a Balanced 3D Team


This isn’t the Deadshot and Harley movie. It’s a team-up movie. The writers should’ve took notes on what the better Avengers films and the Guardians of the Galaxy movie did right. A balance can be found where certain character can stand out without making others two-dimensional jokes (here’s looking at you Croc, Katana, Pyro, Flag and Boomerang).

XII. The Movie is Funny

Very important. This movie needed to be borderline “Lmfao!” funny, but may have registered two unwarranted “lol”s. The cringe-worthy dialogue is scrapped and the writers of Deadpool are hired.

XIII. Soundtrack is Good

Just kidding. That was already fantastic. Maybe the lone bright spot.

3 thoughts on “The Suicide Squad We Deserved

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